Tuesday, April 20, 2010


I work at PetCo, which is a pet store chain. Its nothing special, its a job. I honestly don't need the job. I live with parents, and as long as I remain a full-time student, they pay for everything, gas, internet, my cellphone, etc. Inb4 spoiled bastard. I'll admit it, I am.

Anywho. I got suspended for something retarded. At Petco there these things called PALS cards, they're basically those retarded rewards cards that every fucking store has, like CVS, Walgreens, Target etc. Your supposed to have a ratio of 75%. This means that 3 out of 4 customers should have a card, or you get in trouble.

Obviously I got in trouble once or twice and got EPNs (Employee Performance Notifications), which are bad. Bad in a fucking retarded "I'm sorry, I won't do it again" type way. So to prevent myself from getting more EPNs, I started looking up PALS cards through the computer by typing in random letters. The random letters would correspond to a PALS card, and then I could keep a ratio of 75%+.

In theory it works. Unless you get fucking anal shrink managers. Which we apparently do. Now, a shrink manager is about the same importance as a District Manager, which is pretty fucking useless, but corporations think they are important. Anyways, I honestly have no fucking clue why this is even a shrink related problem. Shrink is loss prevention, which is basically people stealing shit, or employees giving shit away for free, etc.

So anyways, fucking shrink manager and district manager Asshole come in, and take me inside the office. At first, since I had no warning ahead of time, I didn't think much of it. I figured they were getting all the employees and talking to them.

And thats what it sounded like at first. I answered their questions. I was civil the entire time. Still not sure where this was headed.

And then they got to PALS. They asked me questions on how the PALS system works. And then he pulls out a folder. In this folder, there is a small stack of papers. These papers are receipts. And each receipt has a PALS number and a credit card number. The PALS numbers are all the same, but each credit card number is different. Apparently when I fucking typed random letters to get PALS numbers, I used the same two random letters a few too many times, and they have a fucking papertrail on it.

And they start asking questions like a fucking psychiatrist. "Why do you suppose that is?" and such. Cause I cheated the fucking system. What do you want me to do? Stop doing it, fine. It should have just stopped there. PALS card - srs bsns.

But no. There's more. I think they were trying to get me to admit to something that I didn't do. The SHRINK manager actually began to ask questions about SHRINK. Holy shit! What a concept. He started asking me questions like had I given discounts or free stuff to friends and family. Like hell, I did. Thats like asking to get fucking fired. Only thing I'm guilty of in shrink is giving complimentary dog treats. And those we pretty much get in trouble if we DON'T give them. So I think they were trying to get me to admit to something bigger. Tough luck.

So then the douche bag tells me to write in my own words what we talked about. So now I'm fucking writing a God-damned confession on some fucking retarded corporate policy bullshit. YES, I FUCKING RIGGED MY PALS NUMBERS. WHOOP-DE-FUCKING DO. And don't tell me the other employees aren't fucking doing it. They are just fucking doing it better than I was. So then he reads my fucking confession and reviews what we did, and then my manager comes in and basically tells me I'm suspended. Which means I not fired, but I'm not not fired. Unpaid leave and shit like that. I'm apparently under "investigation" whatever the fuck that means. This whole fucking ordeal is blown way out of proportion.

So my manager tells me to clock out, and that she'll give me a call when something comes up.

Honestly, I really think I'm gonna be "laid off." It all fucking makes sense now. We lost two employees, yet they hired three new ones. Two would have sufficed. Why the fuck a third? Because I'm being fucking laid off. I make too much money anyways ($9.50/hr). And I can guarantee that those new employees aren't making the $7.50 I made when I first got hired. I told the cashier who I get along well with, to watch his back. The senior employees might be next.

And you know what the funniest thing is? I don't give a shit. I really don't fucking care.

Thats not to say I want to get laid off or anything. I'd prefer to stay employed for a little longer. But honestly, I was planning on quitting anyway, after I get my Associate's Degree in like 4 months.

I worked there three fucking years, and than this shit happens. They should have just given me a fucking warning. Suspension, for some fucking bullshit like this? Fucking retarded. They were just looking for a way to get rid of me. Fuck them. PetCo stopped being a fun workplace after the first year. Than it was just a fucking dead-end job. Each raise got smaller and smaller. My next one would probably only be like 10 fucking cents if I'm lucky.

If I am laid-off, I'll just start shopping at PetSmart. They're cheaper anyways. And more abundant. There's like three PetSmarts to every one PetCo.

I might also not be fired. In which case, I'll stick around until I get my degree, then leave. Get a real job.

The thing that pisses me off the most about this is the fucking fact that they made me count in on a register. WHY?! They knew they were gonna suspend me! What was the point, now they have to count the money again.

And guess what, I had two customers! And only one had a PALS card, and the other didn't sign up for one. That means for the day I only got fucking 50% PALS ratio. Am I gonna fucking get in trouble for that shit?

Again, whatever, I don't fucking care anymore.

What this all really means, though, is that you, reader, should just stick with PetSmart.

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