Thursday, August 4, 2011

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Bohemian Rhapsody

Someone machine translated Bohemian Rhapsody into Japanese and then brought it back to English. The results are pretty funny. If you try and read it to the beat of the song, it goes fairly well, but becomes way off at certain points.

Does this reality?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide
Escape from reality
Open your eyes
Please look up and see the sky
I am a poor boy (poor boy) is
I need sympathy
I was so easy, come easy go
Little, little, low-
All the way, the wind blows
I really is not relevant to me.

Mama just killed a man
Put a gun against his head
But I pulled the trigger, now he is dead
Mama, life is just beginning
But now I've gone away and, throwing it all
Mama, ooh the
Did not mean that you cry
I am again this time tomorrow if you do not
Carrie is on, carry on as if nothing really matters

Too late, my time has come
Send shivers down my spine
Body aches all the time
Goodbye, everyone
I'm going
Is recommended to face the truth and leave behind all
Mama, oooooooh (anyway the wind blows.)
I do not want to die
Sometimes, all hope had not been born in me

[Guitar solo]

Please refer to my miserable little man
The Scaramouche, Scaramouche case, do the fandango
Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very frightening me
(Galileo) Galileo (Galileo) Galileo Galileo Figaro
The Magnifico - o in - o in - o in - o
I love me just a poor boy nobody
He is just a poor boy from a poor family
Spare him his life from this monstrosity

Easy, easy, you go to get me to go?
Bismillah! No, we can not proceed
Let him go
Bismillah! We will not let you die
Let him go
Bismillah! We will not let you die
I (will go anywhere you go) Let
I (do you) (Never, never, never, never) let's go let Will
I, o is, o is, o is, o let's go
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
(Oh Mamma Mia, Mamma Mia), Mamma Mia, I let go
Beelzebub is for me aside, I have arranged for me devil!

I can rock you so, I think I spit in the eye
So you can love me and I think I leave it to die
Oh baby, baby I do not have this
Only just got out, got out of here right now

[Guitar solo]
(Well, yeah, yeah Well)

What is really important
Everyone can see
What is really important
What is really important to me

All the way, the wind blows ...

Friday, May 14, 2010

Vegas 2010 (Spring)

Just got back in last night from Las Vegas. Had a blast, and didn't lose too much money. Even though its only been since yesterday morning, it already feels like a week has gone since I was in Vegas.

I'm only gonna highlight interesting points. Hopefully this won't get too long...

The flights to Vegas went smoothly. We had a lay over in Atlanta. Fortunately the gate we had to go to was not far from wear we got off at. Waited a bit, boarded and had no problems taking off. Right about 20 minutes before landing, the pilot announces that the hydraulics are leaking on the plane, and that the hydraulics control the parts of the wings that are basically the breaks. There is an electronic backup, but he had to declare it an emergency landing anyhow, and that the fire department was standing by on the tarmac. Everyone else is kind of panicky, but seriously I wasn't worried. The pilot even said its happened before, and the back-up had no problems. Despite not being worried, I still kind of braced myself on the landing, just in case. The landing MIGHT have been a bit bumpier than normal, but the back-up worked and there were no serious problems. Except the plane couldn't taxi, so we had to get towed by those little car thingies. And of course, the Delta Airlines terminal is ALL the way on the other side of the friggin' airport. Took about 20 minutes just to get to the terminal.

We stayed at two hotels this time. First we stayed at the Golden Nugget, which is an AAA Four Diamond ranked hotel. It was nice, but honestly I'm not sure it warrants that distinction. We stayed there for two days. Its in downtown Las Vegas, so its an older hotel. One of the main draws of the hotel is the pool. In the center of the pool is a large shark tank. There's quite a few sharks and a bunch of Tuna in the tank. There is also a waterslide that goes through the tank. The other draw of the hotel is that its right on Fremont Street, which you can read about in my earlier post.

The second hotel we stayed at was THEhotel at Mandalay Bay, which is the hotel we stayed at the last time we were in Vegas. The reason we didn't stay at THEhotel the whole time was because its fairly expensive, at the promotional pricing was only available at certain dates. You can read more about theHotel here.

Hotels owned by Harrah's Entertainment had a special promotion for their buffets. For 35 dollars you could eat all day at any of the hotel's buffets. If you don't know Vegas, this kind of sounds expensive, but it is not. In fact, its dirt cheap. At breakfast Vegas buffet's can be 12+ dollars, lunch around 16+ and dinner is 22+. The deal is good for 24 hours, so you could go to breakfast, lunch, dinner, and then still be able to go to breakfast the next day! What this really means is that I ate way too much food... We also went to other buffet's that we don't normally go to. At the Paris buffet, the manager was an retired Navy vet, and my dad happened to be wearing a retired-Navy hat that day, and the manager gave us VIP access to the buffet the next time we came in, so we wouldn't have to wait in line. Unfortunately, we never got around to taking his offer.

I didn't too much gambling, but I never really do. I might have lost a total of 25 dollars. The whole point of gambling is for free drinks. The problems can be getting a waitress. The Mandalay Bay makes an awesome Jack & Coke. Jack & Coke is (according to Wikipedia) 1 part Jack Daniel's to 3 parts Coke, the Mandalay Bay must have made it 2:1 or something. It was STRONG. It was great.

We saw Penn and Teller's magic show at the Rio. That was great. They are probably the most famous magicians known outside of Las Vegas that still perform. I thought their show was going to be a bit more dirty/violent than it really was. I mean, from what I've seen of them on TV, there are pretty messed up. There show for the most part was actually pretty clean. Except for the classic Sawing a Woman in Half trick, which they begin to explain how the trick works and then make it look like they accidentally REALLY saw the woman in half and blood splashes everywhere. One interesting thing is how Teller never talks during the performances. You can see him talking to the audience on a few occasions, like when he's picking someone for the next trick and so forth, but unless you're near that person, you won't here him talk at all.

And because one of my twitter followers wanted to hear about it, the "Hot Ladies" story. The last night, we gambled at the Mandalay Bay. After losing some money, we went to the fishtank by the lobby. My mom went to the restroom and was going to meet my dad and I at the tank. On the way back from the restroom my mom said that she was walking and saw two girls, both were fairly attractive. One wore a white shirt and was quite cold. The other girl apparently wore a very low-cut shirt that apparently left nothing to the imagination. My mom also said that an older man, went up to them and commented about how cold it must be to the one girl, and then said something about the other girl about to fall out of her shirt. As we were walking around the casino, we saw the girl in white, and she must have been very cold, if you catch the meaning. She was talking to a guy about "massage" prices. The other girl apparently had already found a client, so I didn't get a chance to see her.

Thats more or less, the more interesting elements of the trip. I'm probably forgetting something, so I might make a follow-up post if I do remember something interesting.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010


I work at PetCo, which is a pet store chain. Its nothing special, its a job. I honestly don't need the job. I live with parents, and as long as I remain a full-time student, they pay for everything, gas, internet, my cellphone, etc. Inb4 spoiled bastard. I'll admit it, I am.

Anywho. I got suspended for something retarded. At Petco there these things called PALS cards, they're basically those retarded rewards cards that every fucking store has, like CVS, Walgreens, Target etc. Your supposed to have a ratio of 75%. This means that 3 out of 4 customers should have a card, or you get in trouble.

Obviously I got in trouble once or twice and got EPNs (Employee Performance Notifications), which are bad. Bad in a fucking retarded "I'm sorry, I won't do it again" type way. So to prevent myself from getting more EPNs, I started looking up PALS cards through the computer by typing in random letters. The random letters would correspond to a PALS card, and then I could keep a ratio of 75%+.

In theory it works. Unless you get fucking anal shrink managers. Which we apparently do. Now, a shrink manager is about the same importance as a District Manager, which is pretty fucking useless, but corporations think they are important. Anyways, I honestly have no fucking clue why this is even a shrink related problem. Shrink is loss prevention, which is basically people stealing shit, or employees giving shit away for free, etc.

So anyways, fucking shrink manager and district manager Asshole come in, and take me inside the office. At first, since I had no warning ahead of time, I didn't think much of it. I figured they were getting all the employees and talking to them.

And thats what it sounded like at first. I answered their questions. I was civil the entire time. Still not sure where this was headed.

And then they got to PALS. They asked me questions on how the PALS system works. And then he pulls out a folder. In this folder, there is a small stack of papers. These papers are receipts. And each receipt has a PALS number and a credit card number. The PALS numbers are all the same, but each credit card number is different. Apparently when I fucking typed random letters to get PALS numbers, I used the same two random letters a few too many times, and they have a fucking papertrail on it.

And they start asking questions like a fucking psychiatrist. "Why do you suppose that is?" and such. Cause I cheated the fucking system. What do you want me to do? Stop doing it, fine. It should have just stopped there. PALS card - srs bsns.

But no. There's more. I think they were trying to get me to admit to something that I didn't do. The SHRINK manager actually began to ask questions about SHRINK. Holy shit! What a concept. He started asking me questions like had I given discounts or free stuff to friends and family. Like hell, I did. Thats like asking to get fucking fired. Only thing I'm guilty of in shrink is giving complimentary dog treats. And those we pretty much get in trouble if we DON'T give them. So I think they were trying to get me to admit to something bigger. Tough luck.

So then the douche bag tells me to write in my own words what we talked about. So now I'm fucking writing a God-damned confession on some fucking retarded corporate policy bullshit. YES, I FUCKING RIGGED MY PALS NUMBERS. WHOOP-DE-FUCKING DO. And don't tell me the other employees aren't fucking doing it. They are just fucking doing it better than I was. So then he reads my fucking confession and reviews what we did, and then my manager comes in and basically tells me I'm suspended. Which means I not fired, but I'm not not fired. Unpaid leave and shit like that. I'm apparently under "investigation" whatever the fuck that means. This whole fucking ordeal is blown way out of proportion.

So my manager tells me to clock out, and that she'll give me a call when something comes up.

Honestly, I really think I'm gonna be "laid off." It all fucking makes sense now. We lost two employees, yet they hired three new ones. Two would have sufficed. Why the fuck a third? Because I'm being fucking laid off. I make too much money anyways ($9.50/hr). And I can guarantee that those new employees aren't making the $7.50 I made when I first got hired. I told the cashier who I get along well with, to watch his back. The senior employees might be next.

And you know what the funniest thing is? I don't give a shit. I really don't fucking care.

Thats not to say I want to get laid off or anything. I'd prefer to stay employed for a little longer. But honestly, I was planning on quitting anyway, after I get my Associate's Degree in like 4 months.

I worked there three fucking years, and than this shit happens. They should have just given me a fucking warning. Suspension, for some fucking bullshit like this? Fucking retarded. They were just looking for a way to get rid of me. Fuck them. PetCo stopped being a fun workplace after the first year. Than it was just a fucking dead-end job. Each raise got smaller and smaller. My next one would probably only be like 10 fucking cents if I'm lucky.

If I am laid-off, I'll just start shopping at PetSmart. They're cheaper anyways. And more abundant. There's like three PetSmarts to every one PetCo.

I might also not be fired. In which case, I'll stick around until I get my degree, then leave. Get a real job.

The thing that pisses me off the most about this is the fucking fact that they made me count in on a register. WHY?! They knew they were gonna suspend me! What was the point, now they have to count the money again.

And guess what, I had two customers! And only one had a PALS card, and the other didn't sign up for one. That means for the day I only got fucking 50% PALS ratio. Am I gonna fucking get in trouble for that shit?

Again, whatever, I don't fucking care anymore.

What this all really means, though, is that you, reader, should just stick with PetSmart.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Top of the Food Chain

Welcome to Talentless Troll's Biology 101. Please, have a seat.

I'm sure most of you have either said, or heard people say, that Humans are the top of the food chain. Well, I got news for you. WE FUCKING AREN'T!

More specifically, Humans as a biological being are not. What makes us the top of the food chain is our use of tools. Take away the tools and all we can do is run the fuck away from whatever is trying to eat us.

Imagine, if you will, that you are at the coliseum. Actually you are IN the coliseum, as in you will be the entertainment. You are also completely unarmed, with nothing to use as a weapon or a distraction. Now a gate opens and in comes a grizzly bear, thats been prodded in the testicles with a cattle prod. This bear is fucking pissed. You are the only thing it sees. For all intents and purposes, you're fucked. Sure, you might be able to run a bit, but in the end the bear is going to fucking kill you.

Now, if Humans really are at the top of the food chain, you should be able to kill the bear with your bare hands. Fat chance.

Scenario two: Pretty much the same scenario as the last, only this time you have a spear. The results don't change. The bear still fucking kills you. But you actually put up a fight this time. You may have even wounded the bear slightly. But honestly, you've never used a spear in your life. You're more than likely not going to have the strength to do heavy damage to the bear.

Whats that? Adrenaline you say? Alright, yes, adrenaline can give you more strength, since you are fighting for your life. However adrenaline = "fight or flight." No where does it teach you how to use a weapon. Now lets say you actually manage to jab the bear in the shoulder or such. Well, the bear was already pissed from being shocked in the balls, now you injured. Now, its not just pissed, its FUCKING PISSED.

Keep in mind that this is a coliseum, its an elliptical shape, there are no corners, so even if you tried to go on the defensive, there's really no where to defend yourself. You can't hide in the corner and let the bear's blind charge impale itself on the spear. You might hit the bear a few times as it tries to get you, but the bear will learn, and ultimately, fucking kill you.

In the end the bear fucking kills you, though you were able to injure the bear, and maybe the bear even dies from its injuries. Bottom line, you are fucking dead.

Even with tools, Humans aren't necessarily the top of the food chain. The person wielding the tool has to know how to use a the tool.

Scenario three. Same as the previous, only you have a gun. The bear comes at you, you point the gun and pull back on the trigger. Nothing happens. You've never handled a gun before in your life, much less used one. The safety was on. The bear fucking kills you.

Okay that scenario was just a joke, but it reiterates the fact that a tool is useless if you don't know how to use it.

Final scenario. You have a gun, the safety is off. You shoot the bear. The bear doesn't die, but it slows it down. You shoot the bear again, still slower. Finally the third shot kills the bear.

I really should throw in a few extra scenarios about how since you've never fired a gun in your life that you miss each shot and the bear fucking kills you, but this post is getting pretty long as it is.

Bottom line: Humans are NOT the top of the food chain, but the tools we have are. Or something. Humans suck, and if it weren't for our use of tools, we'd be fucking dead.

Class dismissed.

Friday, February 5, 2010

The Newspaper

WTF is with the newspaper?  I hate it so much.  Every piece "news" is so biased or just fucking retarded.

So on the front page there's this column written by some lady complaining about how much graphing calculators cost and that her daughter needs to get 10 hours of driving experience for her drivers ed class.  Then she goes on to say something along the lines of "I can't believe the school system requires so much from the students."  This is the way its always been.  This is what you get for free education.  Could be worse.  You could have to shell out like 10k a year for your kids to be hit over the head with rulers by Nuns.   At least the graphing calculators are cheaper now.  When I "needed" one it was like $130.  They're like $95 now.   Besides, all you need is a scientific calculator.  And Drivers Ed is such a scam to begin with.  You don't learn shit in the class, and 90% of the time in class all you do is watch videos or read chapter from some retarded book (What this sign?  Its a Stop Sign!  What do you do at Stop Signs?  YOU FUCKING STOP.  WHAT A FUCKING CONCEPT!). You might, if you're lucky, get 5 minutes of driving time per class session.  How the fuck are you gonna learn to drive like that?

This whole article is just fucking retarded.  It wouldn't piss me off as much if it wasn't on THE FUCKING FRONT PAGE!  Maybe they should put more important stuff on the front page, like I dunno, maybe the Baptists that kidnapped 30 Haitian kids?  Hell, maybe even the Scientologists going to Haiti?  There's always the unsolved investigation of an official that was murdered 3 days ago.

I don't really read the newspaper, but more often than not, its sitting on the table and I read over the front page while eating lunch.  Its kind of like a game now: How Pissed Can the Newspaper Make Me? 

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Epic Conclusion to the 5-part Story of My Vacation in Las Vegas

We got up late, since we decided we were going to go to the Rio's Carnival World Buffet, which is by far the best buffet in Vegas, I'll get to it later.  Anyways we skipped breakfast since we knew we were gonna eat well later.  The hotel didn't have free internet so we had to go to the library so we could do advance check-in on our luggage or something for the flight the next day.  The library was kind of nice, its like 3 floors and you could tell it was old.  I'd be surprised if it wasn't haunted.  They microfiche machines which I honestly have never seen before in any other library minus the one at the college campus.  There was also a book sale going on in the basement like area of the library so we checked that out.  It was interesting looking through all the ancient books but in the end there was nothing of any great interest.  They did have quite a few of the Jacques Cousteau documentaries on VHS, which I thought was kind of neat.

We stuck around at the library for quite sometime before heading to the Rio.  We figured we'd do some gambling there before eating.  When we got to the Rio we found out that there was a deal for the buffet.  For $30 per person you could eat there all day.  Like eat, leave, come back later and eat some more.  So we decided to do just that.  But first gambling.  My sister and I did not have the players club card thingy for Las Vegas, so we signed up for it and got $10 slot play, so we had free money to gamble.  Unfortunately I didn't pay attention to my machine and lost the money real fast cause I was betting more than I intended.  Ah well, such is the way...

After losing quite a bit of money, well, free money, we headed for the buffet.  The reason I consider this the best buffet in Las Vegas is the size of it.  It is by far the largest one that I'm aware of and it has an awesome assortment of ethnic foods, and best of all, the dessert section.  Unfortunately the desert selection changes with the seasons and the winter selection is no where near as good as the summer's, but its still all good.  Just like the other buffet's I've mentioned previously, this buffet has the Japanese, Mexican, etc sections.  But there are more too.  The Chinese section has soups which are another drawing point of the buffet.  The udon noodle soup is superb.  Definitely suggest getting that if you ever go.

After eating we went to gamble some more, but at Paris/Bally's.  AKA we wanted alcohol.  And we had the same service as the previous day.  We also walked a bit, back near our hotel, so Mandalay Bay, Excalibur, Luxor and probably New York New York and MGM.  I remember on one of the walkways at the Excalibur there was one of those ticket-seller guys trying to get our attention said something like, "Where you from" and I replied, "Somewhere" and then we kept cracking jokes about that for the rest of the night.

Eventually we ate at the Rio again, and then decided to walk the back part of the strip.  We went through the Caesar's Palace Forum Shoppes and I think the Palazzo and Venetian again.  The Palazzo has a bunch of really ritzy stores.  Stores I'll never be in, unless I get filthy rich suddenly.  At the Forum Shoppes there is an FAO Schwartz which is a big toy store.  The entrance is actually a Trojan Horse.  Its pretty cool  We actually spent quite a bit of time there.

If my memory serves me correctly the Aria is pretty much across the street from the Venetian.  Anyways, whatever that was our next destination.  Too bad it was busy as hell.  Like we basically walked in and walked right back out.  That night was the opening night of the Aria, which explains why it was so busy.  It seemed nice, from what we saw.  There was a fountain that looked to be a mini version of the Bellagio fountain, but it changes color.  And a waterfall that the news was making a big deal about, but honestly, it was not that impressive.  Hopefully next year it will be less busy and we can throw a few dollars away there.

We walked a bit more and then went back to theHotel to go to sleep, since we had to get up early for the flight back home.  Fortunately the flight back was very normal.  No problems or anything.  

But with those vouchers we got from the shit flight going we figured we'd go to Las Vegas again when the spring semester ends.